I love photography.
Today I got out to try a lens I don’t normally shoot with. One of my favorite things to take pictures of are train tracks. I had to be careful not to go too far on this bridge, because from either direction you can’t see whether a train is coming and there is a point of no return where the only option would be to jump or worse.
Since my last post I have found that the cancer has returned.
I have a new tumor in my psoas muscle. I am in the process of exploring every option I can possibly explore since this is my third time and most serious tumor yet as far as where it is and how fast it got here. It seems like every choice I make is a gamble. If I have surgery to remove it I could lose the ability to walk normally ever again. If I try another treatment it could end up metastasizing and then I reach a point of truly no return.
More important than the gamble of the cancer game is the relationships I have while I am alive. The people I care about, who depend on me and deserve my love and attention.
If I allow fear to rule my life and my thoughts and put that fear above my relationships or don’t invest in them, I can lose them. I can be very much alive yet still lose intimacy with those I love most.
Eventually relationships can get to a point of no return and I’d rather die than allow fear to devastate that unity with my wife and daughters. Fear can sever our bonds with those we love most. Fear can take us to a desolate place. Fear can take us to a point of no return even while we still have the gift of life. Instead of fear I chose to truly love and focus on my relationships.